groundwater recharge
rest to draw water
for the first time in my life, i’m experiencing the power of a discipline of rest. i mean, i’m always experiencing the power of discipline period (where are the other super saturn influenced asses??? one time for hard-won blessings of the struggle and toil to evolve). but let’s focus on rest. this focus is highly influenced by Tricia Hersey’s call for rest as resistance. it’s also sagittarius season and i’m a cancer. so i’m no stranger to the power of dreams and hope. but the power of rest? maybe this is just a symptom of youth & the economy of fatigue1, but that idea eluded me. the struggle to rest has been one of the most interesting attempts to evolve i have ever embarked on.
𓆟࿐ೃ˙𖦹 ⋆꙳ ໑ ᮫࣭ ꩜ ｡⋆༄
i had a dream recently about the era of rewilding that we’re in. if you didn’t know—we’re in the era of rewilding. in this dream, humans who live in cities woke up with a kind of midas touch. but rather than turning everything they touched to gold, when they walked on impervious surfaces that spirit deemed damaging to the ecosystem, the surface disappeared and was replaced by fertile earth. the city was rewilded! i remember the feeling of this dream, it was enlivening. i was so excited that the time was here, the time was now. and the time is here and it is now. the difference? unlike in the dream world where the power just appears, in the material there’s a practice of resting and dreaming and nourishing our inner world that helps us learn how to rewild in the material.
before having this dream, i had just started to study about degraded soils, impervious surfaces and the damage they do to the planet. this was inspired by a post about the yareta plant. the post talked about how the plant’s nature is slow and warm growth that can heal degraded soils and become the foundation for the local ecosystem. it talked about its tolerance to abiotic stress. and it has the most curious glamour! at some point in this research, i came across the term “groundwater recharge.”
i am endlessly amazed by/in love with/in total awe of how the earth is us and we are the earth. i’m especially grateful because i can sometimes find the amount of access i have to human thought/other people’s opinions a bit overwhelming. but the earth is a slow and compassionate teacher and asks me as a student to really trust my own relationship with being on and of earth first and foremost. we too have been covered in impervious surfaces as a result of western greed-centered “progress”/imperial-colonial sickness: our roots suffocated, experiencing the overheating (read: too quick, no patience, unnecessary destruction) of these energy drains that are these concrete jungles, poisoned runoff created in this disconnection from interconnection hurting not only us but those around us, many separated from the cool shade of our ancestors, water no longer penetrating beyond the surface and refilling aquifers deep below. we can see this hurt in our internal ecosystem just as we can see it in the earth.
𓆟࿐ೃ˙𖦹 ⋆꙳ ໑ ᮫࣭ ꩜ ｡⋆༄
rest to draw water
rest, dream, hope runoff recharges the soil of the soul. the world only benefits from this expression of rewilding. this internal repair mirrors the ecological repair that is a part of worldwide liberation.
𓆟࿐ೃ˙𖦹 ⋆꙳ ໑ ᮫࣭ ꩜ ｡⋆༄
the place of rest is where the ancestors reside
𓆟࿐ೃ˙𖦹 ⋆꙳ ໑ ᮫࣭ ꩜ ｡⋆༄
sometimes i have nothing i want to write as much as i have a constellation of things i want to synthesize. synthesis lights my fire. i love that “our selves” are forged through interconnection and there’s no way around it. so first, i’m thinking about one of my favorite interviews. it always pops back into my life at just the right time.
“The world that exists outside of ourselves includes social rules that we’ve made, such as how we present ourselves to others, common knowledge, and economic activities. That is, our external self is solely created with other people’s desires. The actual self is absent there. There’s no end to us perfecting our exterior. People that can connect their outer and inner selves usually don’t find themselves having issues.
…That is, each individual is born with their own life and yet, they become so influenced by the external world.
…It could be said that up until now, society has gained its life energy because we sacrifice our health, as though it were some sort of offering. Society is healthier when we return to becoming individuals and going back to our inner world as though we were going to sleep. We’re standing at a crossroads right now; should we go back to the way things were before? I think all the wisdom needed to overcome tough times could be found in human existence. Our predecessors survived the harshest of environments. Their wisdom lives through this life that we have today. The outside world is important, yes, but we must rejuvenate our inner self first. Things like philosophy and thought could be conducive to doing this.
…Everyday, people sleep to reconnect the gaps that exist between the inner and outer world. To sleep is to return to one’s inner nest of life; it’s a symbolic act. It’s a free place where you’re liberated from status, reputation, money, time, and space. We repeatedly sleep everyday from the moment we’re born. This is an act of wisdom that keeps us from feeling distressed by our existence. It’s unfortunate that there aren’t a lot of people that go to bed fully knowing and feeling this. Unless we accept the symbolic meaning of sleep, we’ll lose our balance and sense of wholeness.”
next i’m thinking of the astrology of the past few days as expounded by scott zook:
“In the cosmology of the Tongshu to be a human being is to be predisposed to the intimate nourishment of maturing Yin. Every being and thing must let go and rest, not as a punishment but as a form of restoration and discovery.”
“The second kind of intimate nourishment of maturing Yin is a private one that comes when we actually say no and withdraw. What draws us inward? This is a place for discovery, where we can contemplate our dreams, prune our viision of the future and sit with what we value in Life. Sit back and tell Grandma all about what moves our little ember of Light. Then listen politely.”
𓆟࿐ೃ˙𖦹 ⋆꙳ ໑ ᮫࣭ ꩜ ｡⋆༄
here is a recollection of my dream:
it’s tuesday
& monotony rings through the air
swaths of asphalt,
towers of concrete,
dreary homages to gluttonous kings,
block after colorless block
(save for brick reds like dried blood)
this is the city we call home
this is where i dream
i wake up
i be silent for awhile
i think about my dreams
another dream all in green
i write down whatever i can remember:
baobab blooming
rose bearer
kiss the dirt!
return to the depths
the era of rewilding is here
i avoid getting out of bed
it’s cold
i brush my teeth
stretch
say hello ancestors
watch the trees
the birds
the squirrels
set my bed
link with my plant friends
say thank you friends
and get ready for my day
i get distracted texting a human friend
i get lost in my phone again
another day slips past
the sun sets earlier today
i drift to bed a bit earlier too
it’s wednesday,
i wake up slowly
and rub my eyes
what a dream, i think
i don’t always remember my dreams
but some are so vivid
that i can’t help but remember
my eyes begin to open
as i stretch my arms
and toss and turn
still in the haze of awakening
i see a flash of green
reflect off of my skin
wait….WHAT?
shocked awake,
i see my arm covered
in the same green marks i saw in my dreams
like beautiful flora-like henna
and elaborate veves
crawling up the skin
i try to wipe it off
yet the marks remain
i don’t have time to worry—
i’m late for a meeting!
any other day, i would mull it over
but today, the meeting makes the top of the triage
(& part of me is hoping my eyes are deceiving me)
as i get dressed, i imagine what i’ll say
“oh this? i got a new tattoo”
“my little cousin accidentally drew on my arms with a permanent marker”
“it’s temporary!”
i rush out the door
run down the stairs
and as my feet move to step onto
the cement sidewalk
i jerk to a stop and pause
the ground doesn’t feel quite right
the cement beneath me is softening
shit! is this a sinkhole?!!
i suddenly remember a recent story on the local news
about how some sidewalks are hollow
and the city is just now addressing the issue
because sidewalks have been caving in
under unassuming pedestrians’ feet!
at the time, i thought hmm interesting and moved on
but now, it feels a bit too relevant!
on the edge of freaking out, i look down
hoping to catch my breath, calm down
and make it out alive
i see the sidewalk has disappeared
or rather
it’s transformed
i can only stare frozen
in shock and awe
grateful i’m not covered in cement
injured in a sinkhole—
the ground unfurls
in vibrant greens
the cement has vanished
replaced by blooming earth
it’s as though the cement was never there
as though we’ve always walked verdant dirt paths
i take another step, slowly lifting my right foot
as my foot touches the sidewalk
the cement becomes unfurling green again
i take one more step, just to see
the green unfurls again!
lost for words
i reverse my path
and run back inside
for some reason, the green
doesn’t follow me up the steps
i exhale a sigh of relief
as i rush towards my room
on the way up the stairs
i jerk to a stop and pause—
i overhear the tv playing in the living room
“breaking news: plants are suddenly sprouting all over the city on objects that, just moments before, were made of concrete, asphalt, stone, brick, and other impervious surfaces. reports say that these patches aren’t just growing over existing infrastructure. the existing infrastructure disappears and seems to be replaced by soil and all kinds of plant life, from large trees to small grasses. sightings of this strange phenomena have been reported in every part of the city. no one knows what’s causing this. however, residents are advised to proceed with caution… ”
i stop listening, i’ve heard enough
i quickly slide into my room
and fall into my bed
i just need some silence for a second
in my silence, i remember my dream
“return to the depths”
“the era of rewilding is here”
the era of rewilding is here
i let the words simmer
the era of rewilding is here, i repeat to myself
i search for my notes on the yareta plant
a plant that specializes in slow warm growth,
healing degraded soil, surviving stress
and becoming a foundation for an ecosystem
degraded soil…
my dreams begin to make more sense
baobab blooming
kiss the dirt
plant-like green markings
printed on my hands and feet
return to the depths
i remember that water cannot go
below the surface of concrete jungles
the roots of trees are suffocated
i remember my walks through treeless
greyscale forests
i remember the toxic runoff created
by these impervious landscapes
i remember all i’ve learned about this city
this country, their ideology.
the era of rewilding is here!
could it be that whenever we touch
that which needs to be rewilded,
it transforms into fertile earth?
i get excited
i want to test it out
this imperialist hellscape has nothing to offer me
i want to see a world rewilded
i didn’t think the time would come so soon
i can’t believe it’s time
i want to see the earth’s return
with my own eyes
my bearings gathered, i go to leave
the house again
i walk down the stairs
and onto the sidewalk,
now an urban garden
i try taking a step into the street
the green unfurls
i feel a smile widen across my face
i’m giddy!
no cars are coming
so i walk up and down the road
and watch the asphalt become a lush expanse
i crouch down to kiss the dirt
it feels as magical as a baobab blooming
𓆟࿐ೃ˙𖦹 ⋆꙳ ໑ ᮫࣭ ꩜ ｡⋆༄
let’s take a break for a second. enjoy this beautiful strange planet. enjoy your beautiful strange self too.
𓆟࿐ೃ˙𖦹 ⋆꙳ ໑ ᮫࣭ ꩜ ｡⋆༄
“Your enemies laid waste to one Palestine
In each of my wounds lives another Palestine”
—Faiz Ahmed Faiz, "For the Palestinian Martyrs Who Never Came Home" (1980)2
“[Palestine in the Cloud] aims to understand how Palestinians have been able to somewhat crack Israel’s matrix of control by utilizing, for the past 20 years, new media as a battleground—despite enforced digital colonialism—and how these media served to articulate and create what I call a digital “floating homeland”. I borrow the term “floating homeland” from Haitian writer Edwidge Danticat’s Create Dangerously, which she employs to describe a Haitian non-submersible eleventh department that she adds to the already existing ten geopolitical departments. According to Danticat, this floating department is derived from a collective conception of an additional, yet purely ideological, homeland where Haitian immigrants and exiles reside following their dispersal into the diaspora (Danticat 2010). The floating homeland serves as an ideological space for survival and resistance, preserving the cultural identity of exiles through its connection to Haiti as the motherland. I argue that the sustained chains of protests in Palestine since April 2021, mushrooming out of a networked movement, have materialized in the Palestinian digital floating homeland. This article analyzes how a people, separated physically, legally, and militarily, were able to transcend the many colonial and factional divisions, by coordinating various forms of resistance through online platforms that eventually materialized in the unprecedented revolt that erupted in April 2021 across all historical Palestine.” – Dr. Hanine Shehadeh3
i’ve been thinking about digital & ideological homelands. serendipitous encounters with Neema Githere’s writing have given me a way to describe this ability to create ideological homelands. i’ve been taking stock of my own—my pirate ship that houses this next cycle of myself as i sail the sea, the spirit that moves through the world as sienna kwami (and this website is celebrating its decade anniversary very soon). any moment where i’ve been able to create a resonant place for my ideas, my hopes, my dreams, my rootedness4 to reside is burned into my memory. it’s often the desire i’m exploring at any given time. i’ve been thinking about how early in my life i came to the internet to create these kinds of digital & ideological homelands, how this newsletter serves as part of this homeland—it is an important mountain for me to be able to come back to5.
my creations house my commitment to my ancestors (to live my life as altar and offering to them) and are the many ways to live into the question of what to do with my inheritance of these lineages, of this humanity; these calls to go back and get things + connect and transform them; these calls to live! just take being a Haitian descendant alone, without getting into all the other inheritances. i am not this happy-go-lucky dreamer just for the fun of it (though the fun of it is very important to me). the revolution, simply, is still burning. my dreams are more than my own and they always serve more than myself. there’s a part of me that always remains unsettled in knowing how many Haitians’ lives are negatively affected by everything that has happened since slavery. growing up with the Haitian side of my family, there is no way to escape the wounds, so many are still so fresh. and, i’m saying this a diaspora member who does not live on the island itself but rather lives in the heart of the empire. meaning: there are still many many generations of healing required. there are generations of dreams that need life breathed into them. there are generations worth of rest we must reclaim to get there. to riff off of Noura Erakat, we need to dream and so many humans on the planet are denied the conditions to do so. a free world is one where people can dream and have choice.
“A free Palestine would look like a place that was a model for the rest of the world where the land doesn’t belong to us but we belong to the land. It looks like a place where the sky has no horizon and people can dream and have choice. We need to dream because we have been told that the world operates in a particular kind of way, and this is the only way that it can operate. I think that boundless imagination is something that’s taken away from most Palestinians who either police themselves or may not even dream big enough because they don’t want to be disappointed.”6
𓆟࿐ೃ˙𖦹 ⋆꙳ ໑ ᮫࣭ ꩜ ｡⋆༄
my friend hameedha (a vibrant sagittarius that reminds me how much is always possible) highlighted a wisdom that perfectly described the power that rest always clarifies, with a grounding so deep and unshakable. below is my response to what she said (with a few edits):
“all to say, it’s always worthwhile to trust any intuition that tells us something isn’t our path.”
i was just having a cycle shift reflection and i was thinking about how teenage me always followed their sense of the erotic (re: Audre Lorde saying one of the uses of the erotic is our sense of “that feels right to me” “that doesn’t feel right to me” etc.) and even with the struggle with/against socialization as i got older, i always listened to that sense despite all that resistance and distress and anxiety, etc.
and just having so much reverence for this nagging sense of “this doesn’t feel quite right” and how it leads me to shapeshift again and again and gain all these tools to help configure things to feel right to me.
& also just wanting to emphasize that this such an important sense!! i went to bed early yesterday and i remember before i fully fell asleep i was reflecting on how socialization’s effect on me as i got older feels like i attacked my own dreams like a virus especially if i couldn’t understand how they made $. (& to me, this is the primary contradiction. a society that chooses $ over humanity yet needs humans to create that $). i was so afraid that meant all my dreams were contrary to my survival. that i had to give up my dreams (my hope, my desire, my destiny) to survive. that i had no choice but to give up my dreams. i remember, right after college, i felt i should give up trying to be an artist altogether. i was totally burnt out, demoralized, and tired of feeling disappointed and disillusioned. but, getting older helped me learn to rest and rest helped me learn to let my dreams spread as they are not a virus!! and i wrote this down before falling asleep: “letting desire lead—when i let my dreams spread, i get better results. my dreams hold my desires. my desires hold my destiny!”
i’ve also been really resonating with hearing James Baldwin this morning saying “breaking faith with what you know is a betrayal to many many many many people” + i just recently reread that snippet about Ewe birth ceremonies where they have the baby taste gin and water and say “if you say it, is gin it is gin” “if you say it is water, it is water” + i’ve just been thinking a lot about feeling deeply and having emotions as the core of our humanity…
& Audre Lorde again “The white fathers told us: 'I think, therefore I am.' The Black mother within each of us—the poet—whispers in our dreams: "I feel, therefore I can be free."
࿐ೃ˙𖦹࿐ೃ˙𖦹
avèk tout kè m [with all my heart]
sienna
i’ve also been exploring this archive when thinking about digital homelands: https://palarchive.org/
before i keep going, i want to direct anyone who is Palestinian in exile (or if you know someone who is) to Krystal Mack’s free herbal offering: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdMocmPzOmACxFGx9GJgBQUGmjJV0mLyq6NRDqfgB2T0iJMRA/viewform
i’m thinking a lot about this too :
“Authorities in Gaza announced on Monday that the pause in fighting has revealed that Gaza City’s main public library was among the many civilian buildings destroyed during the war.
Officials have decried the bombing of the building as a “deliberate attempt to destroy historical documents and books”.
Photos of the destroyed building, with books scattered around on the floor, were released by the Municipality of Gaza.
The library was in regular use by members of the community, including schoolchildren, before the start of the war on 7 October.
Municipal authorities in Gaza have called for the intervention of the United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organisation (Unesco) to “protect cultural centres and condemn the occupation’s targeting of these facilities protected under international humanitarian law”.
Literary Hub, a daily literary website launched in 2015, compared the bombing of the library to the 1992 attack on the library in Sarajevo, where Bosnian Serb forces razed the National and University Library of Bosnia and Herzegovina to the ground.
“The targeted destruction of Gaza’s primary public library is a stark reminder that genocide is about more than just the premeditated mass extinguishing of human life; it’s also about the calculated and vindictive, destruction of culture, language, history, and shared sites of community,” Literary Hub said.
Online, people shared their feelings of sadness at the loss of the library, coining the world "culturecide" to show that a "cultural genocide" is underway.
“Books have real and symbolic meaning: once gone, people feel lost and disconnected,” one social media user wrote.
Since the start of the war, over 60,000 buildings have been damaged in Gaza, including most of the buildings in the north.
While the bombing has destroyed 56,450 housing units, according to Euro-Med Monitor, places of worship, media offices, hospitals and universities have also been damaged.” — Middle East Eye https://www.middleeasteye.net/news/israel-palestine-war-gaza-public-library-destroyed-bombing
term inspired by “Rootedness: Ancestor as Foundation” by Toni Morrison
the need for a mountain https://baziqueen.com/2011/02/26/how-to-train-a-gui-%E7%99%B8-water/