we all just happen
se lavi baby
i read this on are.na today:
i thought it was a nice prompt to return to ankò e ankò for a moment. thank you akimi l for sharing. i haven’t felt the need to write much. i feel like the first few years of this newsletter were a way to aid my younger selves in staying the course. i only wrote and shared when i felt called. lately, i haven’t felt called though i think of ankò e ankò often and sometimes reference old newsletters. still, i’ve been wondering when i might add another entry into my public spiritual coming of age journal again.
so here’s my letter to my younger selves:
there’s nothing to find earlier. that’s all i could really tell you beloved. it’s gone exactly the way it needed to go. it will continue to. every time you’ve felt you were in the wrong place at the wrong time, you were still somehow at the right place at the right time. listen to it iz what it iz.
but i know you, you’ll want a little more juice than that. and you know me, i can’t help but elaborate a bit.
so far, most things come down to balance, breath, honesty, guidance from spirit, rest, patience, inner-rootedness, the heart, and total loving-acceptance. all the other delicious stuff—like hope, faith, trust, confidence, friendship, and so on—is easier to connect with when you focus on that. the total loving-acceptance really helps with embracing shadows, discomfort, change, impermanence, and death. i only have twenty-five ish years logged on the planet and i’m still getting the hang of things around here. i wonder if i’ll feel that way when i’m older.
but so far, i’d tell you to keep trusting that instinct that if you can find the balance then you can find the freedom you’re feeling for.
keep trusting that instinct to be a better friend to yourself. you are your closest confidant. every time you’re kinder to yourself, every time you dismantle the internal police state and don’t punish & bully yourself for being honest (in ways that go against external standards you think you have to abide by—you don’t), you get to learn a bit more about what you’re really like. and what you’re really like is so strange and delightful and funny. surprise yourself. remember that as long as you’re alive as this iteration of Time, you can never lose you. take great care of you, play your melody and dance your dance. all else seems to flow from there.
also, everyone says to breathe for a reason. it really works! i know you’re a bit suspicious. it sounds too easy. that kind of doubt is so us! but it really works.
most of all, take a chill pill. that’s maybe the only thing i wish i could have gifted you earlier. the challenge is really to chill out. the human realm is so tense and everyone is so worked up. today i came across this incredibly well-timed reality check that went straight to the core, written by a mutual named Michael:
“Life is vanity wrapped in urgency. Everyone in a hurry to prove what won't matter.”
my mind was blown by how potent those two sentences are. my mind was also blown by the timing. i had just finished meditating after feeling so antsy and unable to calm myself. this antsy-ness had been the trend for at least couple of days. i did divination for advice, a quick 2 card spread. i was encouraged to enjoy the simple freedom of meditation.
i replied to Michael excitedly:
“i am like 🤯 reading this because i just finished up a meditation that i only began because i was feeling so antsy about life for this very reason. and at the end of that meditation i reflected ‘i notice that when i came back into the material, the sheer pressure (read: urgency!!) of material life brings anxiety, quickens and shallows my breath and distracts me from my freedom. no matter what is going on, i am free to exist. no matter what is going on, i exist. no one can take that from me. this human realm comes with so much pressure and it can make one feel like existence comes with a big price tag. yet the known history of the universe shows us that existence just happened. we all just happen. it’s no one’s fault nor anyone’s responsibility to claim. we exist and we are free to do so… everything is so tense here and everyone is so worked up. it’s exhausting and it’s not for me.…i don’t want to feel that this human realm owns my existence because it does not.’
all that to say you don’t even know how timely what you’ve said is!! i am big lover of timing and synchronicity, so i’m super grateful to have seen this exactly when i did & within the context i did. gonna be keeping how you phrased this in mind. ‘everyone is in a hurry to prove what won’t matter’ 🗣️🗣️🗣️
and by now you probably know i tend to have a lot to say lol! so let me add something that last sentence just made me reflect on… what really is there to prove?? a right to exist? a right to have our basic needs met? the need to prove that is manufactured. we already exist and there is no one we need to prove ourselves deserving of the right to exist to. no one owns existence no matter how hard they try to create the illusion that they do. we know the planet we are lucky enough to live on has everything we need. the only things i think we need to “prove” are reminders and reconnections to the benevolence that life can offer, the beauty of existence, and that we are indeed capable of loving each other, sheltering each other in times of rain, and enjoying our time here together and in ways that are not fundamentally dependent on the mass suffering of others.
yet here we are…. goading each other on to compete for success by elitist metrics 😭 i know i’m oversimplifying. there is a structure that’s been created and perpetuated for centuries that makes everyone’s material reality different levels of dependent on trying to gain some proximity to elitist standards to survive… but damn still!! it’s one thing to try and survive it, it’s another to actually believe it…”
let me repeat that.
no one owns existence no matter how hard they try to create the illusion that they do. there is a structure that’s been created and perpetuated by humans for centuries that makes everyone’s material reality different levels of dependent on trying to gain some proximity to elitist standards to survive. we already exist and the planet already has everything we need yet so many people have been forced to become invested in trying to prove that they have the right to exist and have their basic needs met—it’s one of the biggest wastes of our precious time here. still, it’s one thing to try and survive it. it’s another to actually believe it.
no matter what is going on materially, we are free to exist. no matter what is going on, we exist. no one can take that from us. this human realm comes with so much pressure and it can make one feel like existence comes with a big price tag. yet the known history of the universe shows us that existence just happened. we all just happen. it’s no one’s fault nor anyone’s responsibility to claim. we exist and we are free to do so. we never have to deserve it. i don’t think there’s anything to prove, but if there were it would be “proving” (really: reminding and reconnecting with) the benevolence that life1 can offer, the beauty of existence, and that we are indeed capable of loving each other, sheltering each other in times of rain, and enjoying our time here together and in ways that are not fundamentally dependent on the [mass] suffering of others.
the human realm does not own our existence. it’s just one way that existence is expressed. take a deep breath and remember that. we’re human for the time being. but after this, we’ll continue to exist in some other way. that’s how free you really are. humans forget this so easily. that’s part of being human. if you forget it then come back and read this. then breathe, take chill pill, love yourself, care about what you actually care about, take your time, and keep it pushing. it’s easier said than done but se lavi baby, you just have to live it.
alright ttyl, gonna live another decade or two and check back in. love u bestie!!
avek tout kè’m,
sienna
p.s. humor is everything. #1 survival skill!
there are so many teachers that influence my perspective and the language i use. thank you to all of them. the language of “reconnecting with the benevolence of life” in particular comes from teacher Arianna Felix aka the Dream Mami. i highly recommend reading each installation of their recent series Love Exalted.