enter the spirale

a mid-summer hello

rock drawings for bon bon spirale

i drafted the majority of this newsletter on that post-solstice mountaintop feeling, hearing, tasting, seeing the narrative of my life in micro and macro ways; cleansing excesses and refreshing core appetites so that i may answer time’s latest invites with clarity and calm. in moments like this, i don’t usually have much to write about. these are the moments that later get harvested as autumn cools and becomes a reflective winter. you may notice that most of my newsletters tend to bloom during that time of year.

i love that timing because it reflects back a recurring directive of my life: to tend to the shared hearth born of rose bearers and love dwellers, to share our philosophies of love and care, during the harshest winters, no matter how stark and barren the season may seem. admittedly, i love winter. for the astro angels, yes, i have a night chart majorly playing in yin energy. i tend to be found in the innerworlds and underworlds.

i happened to see this while taking a detour from writing on mooncircles.com

as for summer, summer is a whirlwind. a frenzy. a taking of everything to the highest point and dropping it from there. it’s also my personal new year. i turn 25 on the ides of july, a cancerian solar return. when i drafted this, i noted “so much of the sky in cancer (sun, venus, mercury) and paired with a sag-capricorn full moon, i feel immersed into a million and one particularly fitting personal lessons, celebratory & revelatory retrospectives, reduxes, and refreshes at any given moment.” now that the cancer new moon (the lunar phase that birthed me into the world) and cancer venus link up are in the air, i feel the immersion even more strongly but, this time, there’s an emphasized sense that it is also an immersion into an oasis of care and nourishment.

i don’t have much to harvest yet for ankò e ankò though i do wonder what the inevitable change of seasons will bring in the autumn and winter. however, i have some summer ripenings this cancer season that come from the slow birthing of my own oasis of care and nourishment, bon bon spirale.

my copy of the phantom tollbooth, a book that my inner child still loves

bon bon spirale is my pirate ship. i say it moonlights as a creative studio because that is the translation into the external that i find most fitting right now. but it is many things to me. it is my pirate ship, it is my value set, it is literally a world that i can picture with maps and all (if you ever read the phantom tollbooth as a child, do you remember that map on the inside cover of the book?) it is a lunar-venusian-dionysian altar, it is one long poem, it is a playground for an inner child that loves to play in ideas, it is a laboratory and a genesis point of experimenting. it is a test kitchen. it is a bespoke care plan. it is a world like a fortune-cookie, a charm, a talisman. it is a semi-secret society. it is a world of a night person, an underworld traveler, a lover of hidden paths and secret doorways. it is an animator of spirits. it is generations old dessert shop. it is a world that believes our lives are special occasions. it is a world that is in love with and in awe of the creativity of time. it is a world that wants to gift you something sweet to celebrate that you’ve taken yet another breath with us. it is my inheritance. it is one of my contributions to a legacy of those who wanted to soften up and rest, who wanted to soften so that they would not break when bent. it is a lush internal expanse with tea houses, mystery religions, haiku clubs, solidarity feasts (also known as banquets), a monastery of rose bearers and love dwellers, philosophical societies, serene mountaintop villages, blossom viewing and moon gazing, a place of enjoying Being; a place where celebrations of life are central to the experience of the mundane. a place with ancestors in the blood¹ a place with an ancient heart.² it is je ne sais quoi.

i’ve been incubating this world for some time now. i am starting to softly welcome slivers of it into the external. during the past year of meditations on bon bon spirale, i came to this recurring reflection: “there is a beautiful, shy, sensitive, kind, generous, and suicidal soul that i am trying to nourish and delight. i am trying to do everything i can to be sensitive to their need for magic, delight, and love.” one of my inheritances is an investigation of depression. in one read, bon bon spirale is a response to the years of my life in which i was sincerely asking Time, Ancestors, et al: why live? why consent to this incarnation?³

in another thread of my life, i’ve had an endless interest in monastic practice, especially the monastic commitment to bringing others happiness. there are many sensitive souls out there in need of more sweetness, in need of more bon chans in the spiral. i am deeply influenced by the examples i’ve seen of those who use monastic practice in nourishing ways and to teach that the power of care is the power to emulate the peace and harmony Time has to offer. i am trying to describe the practice of Grandma Love.

my grandma transitioned at the beginning of May. my memories of her are like a treasure box of moments where we cared for one another as best we could with what we had. we shared generously with each other. in her physical form, she was my first best friend. Grandma Love, to me, overlaps with the love and comfort of Friendship too. Grandma Love and Friendship share a quality that is often used to describe food: they are simple, nourishing, and generous (and delicious). in my studies, i’ve found that sharing Grandma Love and Friendship with all of creation are central commitments to many monastic practices out there. as i investigated depression, i also investigated monastic practice (which quickly leads to other esoterica lol) and found it inspiring. in one read, monastic practice is also an investigation of depression because so many philosophies that produce monastic practice are interested in the experience of suffering. now, i’ve got about a decade of both studies under my belt. and, tbh, given the heavy saturn influence in my vibe, monastic practice translates fairly easily into my world.

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there are many degrees of bon bon spirale. they change as i change, i change as they change. what threads them all together is the need to express “special feelings for the whole of existence” ⁴ and a desire to practice paradise and share what comes of such practice. what threads them all together is a core curiosity about the intersections of care, pleasure, safety, celebration, hospitality, and family (as in, we are relatives with all creation, we are all the miracle among miracles).

one degree of bon bon spirale is hierophant hour. in the world of bon bon spirale it is where the philosophers gather to exchange their field notes, to publish their insights, and to encourage further study of esoterica and practices of mysticism. in the external world, i call it ‘a publishing house expounding sacred wisdoms.’ i’m sharing this degree with you all because i’ve just published a piece of writing that you may enjoy if you also enjoy this newsletter. it is a writing style inspired by Frankétienne’s book Ready to Burst (Mûr à Crever) where he elaborates on what spiralisme is. his work and writing style have helped me express myself more sincerely both to myself and others. thank you teacher! i also play in this writing style in my newsletter, ‘the balance has spoken’ and in my essay, ‘coming of age as a mermaid: death, grief, zombies, why i became a pirate, & seeing the ocean in everything’ which was created for the merfolk happening hosted by mermaid and water-star, simone.

i’ll end by sharing the thema mundi of my world. the thema mundi⁵ is a proposed birth chart for the universe. it proposes that the universe has a cancer ascendant. i’ve always enjoyed that interpretation because cancer is the sign of Grandma Love, of Mother love, of connection and togetherness and care—it is the sign of FEELING. it is an archetype that is shaped by what it learns from grief and therefore love. it is an archetype that really feels its grief and its love right down to its core. it is a an archetype that becomes that grief, at least for a moment. and that becoming births intention and practice. when you feel everything somatically, mentally, and spiritually, it affects how you move. it is an archetype that comes back again and again; it is an archetype that builds intimacy by being a haunter. it is the archetype of many things that current power structures would rather devalue and destroy. cancer energy is a needed antidote to dehumanization, despiritualization, and desensitization. especially, when paired with taurus, it is an antidote to desensualization. it is the archetype of the witch, of the women demonized as too hysterical and carnal. it is wild, it is natural. it is vast. it is the sign of knowing, down to your bones, that your choice can cause pain and heal pain too. it is the bearer of what makes us human, vulnerable, and in need of love and care in the first place. it is the why we should give a shit about one another in the first place. it is the archetype that reminds us of the fact that we can’t survive without each other, even if we wanted to. it is the sign of the moon, a literal celebration in the sky of the experience of Being.

a somatic tell,
a windchill nipping at the heels,
de jou a viv,
primordial nostalgia,
molasses mood,
waxing awe,
lunitidal left,
the second rose bloom of summer
perched atop the tongue,
a careful rabbit moving pause to pause;
be still
bathe in sunshowers
call to the eastern dawn
and share your prayers;
may they rise with the force
of the waking sun,
may they ferment
as dusk becomes midnight hour,
may formless friends bless them
as they rot and remake;
be liquid and loving
be wild and kind
languishing in the trickster’s kiss
nothing is left undone

this poem is also featured in my book, if i were an omen.

if you want to financially support bon bon spirale (or my practice in general) you can sign up for my patreon or venmo/cashapp (@siennakwami/$Kash2Kwami, pay info also on patreon).

࿐ೃ˙𖦹࿐ೃ˙𖦹
avèk tout kè m [with all my heart]
sienna

1. taurus degree two: https://tauruszodiac.net/degrees

2. https://www.magoism.net/2014/09/book-review-by-mary-saracino/

3. language inspired by Jaliessa Sipress’ description of the 2nd House in this talk with Ari Felix and Jaliessa on Jupiter in Gemini. https://www.thedreammami.com/jupiter-gemini-access

4. pisces degree nineteen: https://pisceszodiac.net/degrees

5. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thema_Mundi