let’s start this newsletter off with a bang:
i had a somewhat cruel thing happen to me on my birthday back in mid-july. wading through the thickest bouts of sadness, anger (and all the other gnawing feelings that arise when your sense of comfort (and self) seems to be exploding) coincided with me just starting to watch a show that my resilience building is indebted to: Naruto. no joke, Naruto helped me heal1.
there’s a scene in Naruto Shippuden that still strikes me. i’m hoping you know a bit about Naruto and his life but if not, i’ll try to summarize. essentially, Naruto’s spent the beginning of his life demonized by his village because he contains a tailed beast within him. we watch him go through traumatic losses and extreme tests of his personal values with a characteristic persistent resolve. Naruto is essentially the poster boy for perseverance and resilience. he so strongly believes every life is deserving of love that it drives him to keep going and build a world that reflects this. because of this resolve, his community has slowly come to cherish and support him— that’s the state of things during this waterfall scene.
during this scene, he stands at the foot of a waterfall called the “falls of truth” —the first step of his training to control the tailed beast inside of him. at the falls of truth, Naruto is transported into his mind where the waterfall reflects his “true” self. he learns his “true” self is a physical embodiment of his hurt, doubts, fears, and hatred bred by being ostracized from his community—all the shadow work you could ask for! he enters the waterfall and tries different tactics to defeat this shadow-self. if you’ve ever tried to push away a negative thought, you can guess that this plan didn’t work. after many failures and taking time to reflect and seek advice, he enters the waterfall a final time. the shadow-self maintains that he is the “true” version of Naruto. however, Naruto realizes the shadow-self and himself are not separate and neither one of them is the true Naruto. the shadow, believing that Naruto is trying to discard the lived hurt of his “true” self, lunges towards Naruto while crying out: and what am I supposed to do now? Naruto calmly answers, that’s simple. you just become me. since you are me and opens his arms to embrace the embodiment in a hug. he continues, thanks for everything until today. but it’s going to be alright now. quite poetically, the shadows’ eyes lighten, as if a spell has been lifted, and its physical form dissipates within Naruto’s embrace. the waterfall no longer reflects the hurt and its symptomatic insecurities. there is no longer a separate self competing with Naruto’s idea of who he should be—Naruto has met his whole self, shadows and all, with love.
are you crying or what?! i remember watching this for the first time, a month after my birthday, and feeling...overwhelmed. aside from my deep love for the character and his growth (i was so happy for him, he deserved this level of self-kindness, -love, & -compassion), i was overwhelmed by the realization that i could simply embrace all of myself.
✿✿✿
in one of my favorite Tara Brach meditations, she begins with an excerpt from this Dorothy Hunt poem:
Peace is this moment without judgment.
That is all. This moment in the Heart-space
where everything that is is welcome.
Peace is this moment without thinking
that it should be some other way,
that you should feel some other thing,
that your life should unfold according to your plans.
Peace is this moment without judgment,
this moment in the heart-space where
everything that is is welcome.
✿✿✿
avèk tout kè m [with all my heart]
sienna
thank you.